GREETINGS
Toaddresspeopleformally,useMr.orMs.oratitleplusthefirstname.ThereareseveraltitlesofrespectinVietnamese,buttheyaren’tusedinEnglish.
"Thua"(meaningplease)isaddedinfrontofthefirstnametoshowrespect.
Womendonotshakehandswitheachotherorwithmen.Physicalcontactbetweengrown-uprelativesorfriends(bothmalesandfemales),orbetweenthesameoroppositesexes,isnotacommonsight.
Manymaygreetbybowingslightlytoeachother,theymayjoinhands.Usually,higherrankingpeoplearegreetedfirst(thefamilyhead).
LANGUAGE
Vietnameseisbasicallyamonosyllabiclanguagehavingsixtones,whichgivethelanguageasing-songeffect.Awordcanberepeatedwithanyoneofsixtonestoindicatesixdifferentmeanings.Forexample,thewordmahassixdifferentmeaningsaccordingtothetonewhichthewordcarries:phantom,ghost;cheek;but,which,who;tomb;horse;youngriceseedling.
Vietnamesehasthreebasicdialects,allaregenerallyunderstoodbymostVietnamesespeakers.ItisverydifferentfromEnglish;verbsdonotchangeforms,articlesarenotused,nounsdonothavepluralendings,therearenoprefixes,nosuffixes,nodefinitivesandnodistinctionamongpronouns.Itscomplexvocabularyreflectsbasicculturalvalues.
Manyrefugeesofthefirstwavearebilingual.OlderurbanpeoplemayspeaksomeFrench,andthosewhohadgovernmentjobsinSouthVietnamspeaksomeEnglish,orareevenfluent.
GENERALETIQUETTE
*Note:FortheVietnameselivingabroad,thetraditionaletiquettechangesslightlyadaptingtothewesternetiquette.
Vietnamesecultureisconcernedmorewithstatus(obtainedwithageandeducation)thanwithwealth.
Breakingapromisecanbeaseriousviolationofsocialexpectation.Itisverydifficulttore-establishalostconfidence.
Wheninvitingafriendonanouting,thebillispaidforbythepersonofferingtheinvitation.
Vietnamesemaynottakeappointmenttimesliterally,andwilloftenarrivelatesoasnottoappearoverlyenthusiastic.
Speakinginaloudtonewithexcessivegesturesisconsideredrude,especiallywhendonebywomen.
Summoningapersonwithahandorfingerintheuprightpositionisreservedonlyforanimalsorinferiorpeople.Betweentwoequalpeopleitisaprovocation.Tosummonaperson,theentirehandwiththefingersfacingdownistheonlyappropriatehandsignal.
Theelderlygrandparentsandparentsaretakencareofuntiltheydie.
Onlyafewurbanpeople,influencedbyWesterncustoms,celebratebirthdays,sincethatoccasionisnotaVietnamesecustomsNordoVietnamesesendChristmascards.Weddingandfuneralceremoniesareimportanteventsandareusuallyperformedwithsolemnandtraditionalrituals.
ModestyandhumilityareemphasizedinthecultureoftheVietnameseanddeeplyingrainedintotheirnaturalbehavior.Therefore,braggingisoftencriticizedandavoided.Whenbe-ingpraisedforsomething,aVietnameseoftendeclinestoacceptpraisebyhumblyclaimingthathedoesnotwarrantsuchesteem.TheVietnamesedonotcustomarilydemonstratetheirknowledge,skills,orpossessionswithoutbeingaskedtodoso.
ThemajorityofVietnamesewomenneversipalcoholandusuallyshyawaywhenalcoholicbeveragesareofferedtothem.Drinkingwomenaredespisedinoursociety.Drinkingproblemsarerareandpracticallynonexistentamongwomen.
Whilesmokinghasgainedwideacceptanceamongmen,veryfewVietnamesewomensmoke;thosewhodoaregenerallyolderwomen.Women’ssmoking,inpublichasbeentraditionallyconsideredsomething"unusual."
NAMES,NAMING
Traditionally,Vietnamesepeoplelisttheirfamilynamefirst,thentheirmiddlename,withtheirfirst(given)namelistedaslast.Familymembersusedifferentgivennames(firstnamesaren’tpasseddown),andthenamereflectssomemeaning.Mostnamescanbeusedforeithergender.ManyintheUShaveadoptedwesterncustomsofnaming.
DISPLAYSOFRESPECT
Toavoidconfrontationordisrespect,manywillnotvocalizedisagreement.Insteadofrelayingnegativecommunication,peoplemaynotansweraquestion.
Itisdisrespectfultotouchanotherperson’shead.Onlyaneldercantouchtheheadofachild.
Whengettingapraise,peopleusuallysmileinsteadofsaying"thankyou".Asmileislikeasilent"thankyou".Mostpeopleareverymodestanddeflectpraise.
Insultstoeldersorancestorsareveryseriousandoftenleadtoseveredsocialties.
INTERPERSONALRELATIONSHIPS
ManycustomsarerootedinboththeConfucianrespectforeducation,familyandelders,andtheTaoistdesiretoavoidconflict.Vietnamesetendtobeverypoliteandguarded.Sparingone’sfeelingsisconsideredmoreimportantthanfactualtruth.ManyalterthesepracticesintheUS,especiallywhendealingwithnon-Asianpeople.
FAMLILYSTRUCTURE
ThefamilyinVietnamisanextendedone,unlikethetypicalfamilyintheUnitedStates,whichnormallyconsistsoftehfather,mother,andunmarriedchildren.TheVietnamesefamilyiscomposedoftheparents,allchildren,andtheirin-laws,thegradparents,thegreat-grandparents,andalsoinsomecircumstances,unclesandauntsandtheirspouses,cousins,grandchildren,great-grandchildren,andallin-laws.Inotherwords,itmightembraceuptosixgenerations,witheverybodywhoisrelatedeitherbybloodormarriage.Thereisalwaysastrongfeelingofattachmentbetweenthemembersofthesamefamilyinspiteofthegenerationgap,whichcanbelargeorsmall.
Thecenterforthefamilyisahousewhichdoesnotnecessarilyaccommodateeverybody.Theavailabilityoflivingspacedeterminesthesizeofthefamilylivingtogether.Buttypically,onefindsgrandparents,father,mother,children,andgrandchildrenlivingunderthesameroof.Althoughnotallmembersoftheextendedfamilyarehousedtogether,theytendtoclusteraroundacertainareasuchasavillage,smalltown,orplacesofeasyaccessinlargecities.
MARRIAGE
InfluencedbyBuddhisttheologyandConfucianphilosophy,Vietnamesebelievedthatfateinmarriage,aswellaswealthandposition,werepreordained,thoughchoicecouldplaysomeroleinactivatingapositiveornegativefate.Traditionally,childrenlivedwiththeirparentsuntilmarriage,thenthecouplemovedtothehusband’sfather’shousehold.Theextendedfamilyarrangedmarriage,butindividualswereusuallyconsultedonthechoiceoftheirmate.Thetypicalengagementlastedsixmonths,withlittlecontactbetweenthebrideandgroompriortothemarriage.Traditionallythemarriagewasatoneofthecouples’homes.Menusuallymarriedbetween20and30years,andwomenat18to25years.Womenkepttheirmaidennameslegallybutusedtheirhusband’snameformally.
AswesterninfluenceincreasedinVietnamduringthiscentury,parentsbegantotakemoreofanadvisoryroleinthechoiceoftheirchild’smate,andarrangedmarriagesarestartingtodecline.IntheUS,mostyoungVietnamesedateinthesamewayasAmericanyouth.Thoughrarelygivenabsolutechoice,familystillbearsheavyinfluenceoverthedecisiontomarry.Thereareavarietyofdifferentweddingpractices,mostcommoninSeattleareBuddhistandChristianceremonies.Divorceisuncommon,evenintheUS,andisconsideredshameful.InVietnam,amanisresponsibleforhisspouseuntildeath
